Non-Biker
Jokes
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PETITE
WARRIOR
GYNECOLOGIST'S
CONVENTION
HE
DID IT!
I'VE
GOTTEN OLD, BUT...
X32
IARO
ANYTHING
YOU SAY...
SIGNS
THAT A COPS PARTNER NEEDS A VACATION
ARE
YOU MY DADDY
DREAMING
WHERE
"CROTCH ROCKETS" COME FROM
OVER
THE LIPS & PAST THE TONSILS
HIS
& HERS PARKING
HIDDEN
CRACK
PREMATURELY
ANONYMOUS
HOT
SNATCH
HERBAL
VIAGRA
SANTA'S
PRESENT
MUSLIM
DELUSION
HOME
ALONE
FREE
HAND LOTION
COKE
HEAD
HAZARDS
OF CHOCOLATE
BIKE
CUSTODY
ATTITUDE
ADJUSTMENT
BUBBA AND THE
WALMART TEST
BULL
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
710
PETITE
WARRIOR
This is
not the brand of condoms you want your wife or girlfriend to
give you on your birthday!
GYNECOLOGIST'S
CONVENTION
HE
DID IT!
I'VE
GOTTEN OLD, BUT...
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I
have bouts with dementia, I have poor circulation, I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I
can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
I have lost all my friends, but, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
From: Beau Covington
X32
IARO
ANYTHING
YOU SAY...
Signs That a Cop's
Partner Needs A Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
ARE
YOU MY DADDY
What you
don't want your ex-girlfriend's son to be wearing when she introduces him
to you. Especially if you haven't seen or heard from her for a year!
DREAMING
I had
this "udderly" ridiculous dream the other day...have you ever had it?
WHERE
"CROTCH ROCKETS" COME FROM
Asian
motorcycle plant. It gives new meaning to the term "Crotch
Rocket."
OVER
THE LIPS & PAST THE TONSILS
HIS
& HERS PARKING
HIDDEN
CRACK
PREMATURELY
ANONYMOUS
H OT
SNATCH
Herbal
Viagra?
SANTA'S
PRESENT
What you
DON'T want to find under your tree on Christmas morning, SO DON'T GO
DOWNSTAIRS BEFORE MORNING!
MUSLIM
DELUSION
A Muslim
delusion that will NEVER come true.
HOME
ALONE
A
parent's worst nightmare!
FREE
HAND LOTION
The
tee-shirt you wear to Hooters.
COKE
HEAD
I wonder
why they are sitting on the bench?
HAZARDS
OF CHOCOLATE
Chocolates
are NOT a good present for Valentines Day! If you think it is then you
shouldn't shop at Victoria's Secrets.
BIKE
CUSTODY
The only
bike you'll will get custody of in the divorce...if you're lucky!
Attitude Adjustment
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he
could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's out stretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
From: Beau Covington
BUBBA AND THE
WALMART TEST
An office manager at Walmart was
given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After
sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally
qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came
and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer
asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT." It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; It's just there. A thought is the
fastest thing I know of. "That's very good!" replied the
interviewer.
"And now you sir?"
he asked the second man Hmm. Let me see. A BLINK! It comes and goes and
you don't know that it ever happened. A blink of an eye is the fastest
thing I can think of." "Excellent!" said the
interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's very good."
He then turned to the third man
who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you
step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you
flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes
on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I
can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third
answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed
of light, "he said.
Turning to Bubba, the fourth and
final man, the interviewer posed same question. Old Bubba replied,
"After hearing the three previous answers, "It's obvious to me
that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?" said
the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain."
said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and
I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHT, I had already s#%$ in my pants."
Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!
From: Beau Covington
BU LL
A big Texan stopped at a local
restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his
tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served
at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He
asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter
replied, "Ah señor, you have excellent taste! Those are called
Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A
delicacy!"
The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order." The waiter
replied, "I am so sorry señor. There is only one serving
per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come
early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this
delicacy." The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his
order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of
the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his
platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but
they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Is, Señor.
Sometimes the bull wins. "From: Beau Covington
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such
behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
________________ ____________________ ______________
Republican's Answer: BANG!
__________________________________________________
Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist!
From: Beau Covington
710
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde
came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and
another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She
replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I
have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know
exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw
what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it
wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and
asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said,
"Of course, its right there, SEE"
From: Bill Odom
www.Biker-Central.com Alabama,
Mississippi, Florida, Louisiana biker events www.mobilebiker.com
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